Mark Thompson has admitted he still thinks about the Essendon supplements saga every day and says he started smoking ice for his involvement in it.
The former Geelong and Essendon coach appeared in the Melbourne Magistrates’ Court on Wednesday, and said that while he smoked the illegal drug, he never sold it.
Thompson is fighting three drug trafficking charges and four of possession after a raid on his Port Melbourne home last year.
"Ice, that's it really. I was smoking too much," Thompson said of his drug use.
"I always wanted to take it but I didn't have the guts.
"I'm a drug taker, I'm sad that I am,” an embarrassed Thompson said. "But I never had any intention of selling any drugs.
"To be here right now, it's pretty soul crushing."
The 2012 drugs saga saw Essendon coach James Hird resign, the club fined $305,000 by Worksafe Victoria for breaches of the Occupational Health and Safety Act, and 34 players found guilty of doping.
"Everything I believed in… was just in ruins," the 55-year-old said.
"It was a difficult time. I left the industry where I worked in a bad way.
"I just couldn't believe we could do that to a group of young men. I think about it every day… I'm still not over it."
The two-time premiership-winning coach admitted he had no social life soon after the ordeal.
In 2017, Thompson would often smoke ice, watch YouTube videos and spend hours trading bitcoin alone in his home.
Feeling lonely, Thompson struck up a relationship with former tennis prodigy turned bikie, drug trafficker Thomas Windsor.
"I'd left all my friends and my social life, so I was happy to open the door and talk to someone," Thompson explained.
Thompson said he allowed Windsor to move in with him after he "broke me down".
"I knew he shouldn't be there, but he broke me down," he said.
"He is a lot tougher than me, a pretty scary bloke… I didn't know how to get rid of him."
A set of scales and empty deal bags were allegedly located in a room at Thompson's home alongside Geelong Football Club memorabilia.
Police allege they found a metal lock box containing the drugs MDMA, LSD and Xanax, along with Thompson's DNA.
"I used to weigh stuff up," he said.
"What you paid for is what you got.
"I can’t believe I'm saying this."
The hearing will continue on Wednesday afternoon.