Joel's back! "It’s not weak to speak, I had to ask for help"

This is not to be a sob story, this is not a "poor me". It has without a doubt been the hardest time of my life.

Towards the end of February I posted a tweet:

Hey Rock solids, Just want to be upfront and honest. We aren’t robots. My turn right now. Struggling, never thought it would be me, but it is. Anyone feeling like me I’m sending you a BIG CUDDLE. I’m good but need some time, back soon.

And the support I got after that… honestly, it meant the world. So to everyone who reached out — thank you.

I want to assure everyone that I’m back to feeling my very best again. Honestly …maybe better than ever.

The truth is, I just wasn’t myself for a while there. And that was really confronting, because I’m usually the upbeat one, glass half full, the steady one, the “Rock Solid” one. Suddenly I wasn’t, I was at my lowest low and that shook me more than I expected.

The Run Home has always been a very honest, interactive and transparent show. We enjoy this relationship, both ways, with you guys.

So on this, over the years, we have had so many Wellness Wednesdays and supported initiatives such as R U OK days etc.

It’s not weak to speak we would say … well in the throes of my biggest challenge I thought let’s really test this, not after the event, but right now in real time as it’s happening, as I’m at rock bottom.

I remember vividly hovering my thumb over the send button of that tweet. I knew honesty was the right thing to do. I actually felt great relief immediately that I was now sharing my struggles beyond just myself and more importantly I was being loyal to my own values and what I believe.

It would have been hypocritical not to have hit send.

There is a book called the Boy, The Mole, The Fox & The Hound. The Boy asks the Horse, 'Hey Horse what’s the hardest thing you have ever said?'

'HELP' said the horse. Well, that’s certainly not something I’ve ever been good at asking for.

Mum and Dad had me in their teens, I’m the eldest of six, I went to 10 different schools. It was a lot for a kid.

You become quite resilient but on the other hand not so good at leaning on people for a hand or help. It catches up with you. It caught up with me.

Stepping away was the hardest part. I love being productive and busy but giving myself permission to stop, to reset, to actually look after myself — that’s what turned things around.

Since then, for the first time in my life, I stopped and took some time to focus purely on my family and me. My wife and my kids weren't getting the best of me.

It's a traumatic and stressful period for them.

I’m feeling so much better. I’m flying. Rock solid.

As strong as I feel, I want to get this exactly right, I’ve been back at Sportsbet for a few weeks now, loving it and I’m feeling as locked in as ever.

So, the next step is right here — SEN — with you Fletch, Brookesy, Mitch, Sam, Chris… and all of you Michaels and even you A Grades listening!

Every day I would be greeted by messages of when are you back, are you coming back…?

I feel so grateful for those messages and to say I’ll be back starting this Monday — I’ve committed to coming back once a week every Monday for a month to get my eye back in, then looking to ‘Ramp it Up’ from there.

I couldn’t have done any of this without a lot of people: my family, my friends, the NRL community, Sportsbet, SEN and of course you our listening family … I’m very grateful.

I don’t think why did this happen TO me but rather why did it happen FOR me? Or as we say here Fletch … “Sometimes the best gifts come badly wrapped!”

The biggest help I got was to find people that had been through thesame thing. Until I had been with people that had been in my shoes...I've given this everything. Every day I am doing something to make myself a better person.

Forever, every single day I have to take action.

I feel as though I have been to hell and back. I don't ever want to go through that again. Hitting rock bottom has forced me to take action.

But Fletch… mate… I’ve missed you. Let’s talk some Rugby League.

Help is available:

• Lifeline: 13 11 14 | lifeline.org.au
• Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 | beyondblue.org.au
• 13YARN (Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander crisis line): 13 92 76 | 13yarn.org.au
• Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 | kidshelpline.com.au
• Headspace: 1800 650 890 | headspace.org.au
• Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467